Well, I haven't written here for a while. Mostly been at work doing work, and I mostly write from work. That's not the only reason that I haven't written of course. I wonder sometimes whether this blog exists for my own self-agrandizement or if it exists for a good reason. I hope that it is here for a good reason, but chances are it's more the prior than the latter. Whatever the case, I desire to continue to blog my thoughts on the Book of Mormon, not for anyone else's reading, and it appears that I'm the only person that I've shared this blog with, who wants to share their thoughts on this. I suppose that's as it should be.

Another reason for not writing, is that I have blown through the remainder of the Book of Mormon again and am just finishing up the Words of Mormon today. I often don't write my feelings in the end of the Book of Mormon because it's so darn depressing. It tells of the fall of a people blessed by God and how God took away His Spirit from among them, leaving them to curse God and die. Often when I think too hard about these passages I mourn for the Nephites. I cry. In fact, it often ruins my day.

I think it is because I struggle with the cruelty of man and the justice of God. I struggle with the notion that I cannot rejoice in my sins. I cannot pursue pleasure and exclude the commands of God, and get away spiritually (or physically) unscaythed. I think most folks want to do right when it is convenient, but we also have our pet foibles. We have those acts that we rationalize away and think to ourselves, well, I don't have to change now. Sooner or later, though it all catches up with us. What we claim doesn't hurt anyone, often hurts everyone.

I am left wondering, am I like the Nephites? Have I justified my pride? How do my selfish actions hurt those around me? Am I doing enough?

Often the answer is an upleasant reminder that I have a long way to go before I am awarded the medallion of perfection. It is also hard not to see the mistakes of the society in which I live. I love America, but it has so many problems. Americans are so selfish, and so is the rest of the world, and because of it, we're at constant odds with pretty much everyone.

I find it amusing the hurdles we go through to justify our consumption. God tends to solve the fixations of nations, the same way that I solve the Binki problem with my two year old. She is dependent upon a binki, to the extent that she has allowed its use to impede her speech. Instead of speaking she mumbles. So my solution is to take away the Binki. She makes mom and dad's life miserable. She wants a binki, all day long, she wants a binki, and she reminds us, she wants a binki, a binki. She moans and groans, cries and throws tantrums. Often mom submits to her, which is probably the worst thing she could do, because now she knows that if she complains to some random level she can push us to give her one. To make matters worse she can see that her baby sister has a binki. It reminds her of the binki that she doesn't have. Her solution is to try to steal her sister's binki. Americans are like two year olds with Binkies. If anyone dares suggest that Americans go without all their oil, or privilege, then that's aking to a parent threatening to take away that Binki. Wo to the parent that does such things! God is such a parent. Eventually we will have to find alternatives to a lot of things, including our privilege, riches and what not. Can we live happily without it? Well that depends on where your heart is centered.

What we don't realize is that if we could just give up some of these privileges freely, we might find greater depth and ability was waiting just around the bend. If my daughter gives up her Binki, she will learn to speak more clearly. She will be able to be happy without the need of a plastic nipple in her mouth. She will be better off without it. How like my daughter am I, when God takes away my Binkies...

--Ray